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Raesvelg

So today I totally lost my shit.

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Yep.

See, I've got a panic disorder. It's weird, it's linked to social anxiety, etc, and once it starts it's almost impossible to put that particular genie back in the bottle.

Which is the task I'm now faced with.

Today, during a lesson, I freaked out. Had to leave the room, nearly lost my lunch which was the only food I'd eaten since the previous day's lunch since I'm generally too riddled with anxiety to eat over the last week or so, and while I managed to come back in and recover somewhat, it wasn't exactly my finest hour.

And it got worse after I got home.

So I managed to get an emergency script for some anxiety meds and I can feel the one I just took kicking in rather slowly, though that could just be the exhaustion talking. I also informed my supervisor of the situation, and my whole student teaching internship just got put on hold.

Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about that. Right now, I expect it's probably a good idea; I tend to get back on the horse even when I should probably be sitting out and waiting for someone to reattach my severed limbs. I'd almost undoubtedly have been back in tomorrow whether or not it was the right decision, and having it taken out of my hands is... almost welcome.

Doesn't stop me from being filled with about 1072% more self-loathing than usual, of course. Though in theory this Lorazepam will kick in soon and I just won't care that much.

God I hope so.
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  1. Morcheeba -
    Morcheeba's Avatar
    Anything like Panic/Anxiety attacks? I've been having those lately... and it's been years since I first started getting them. Terrifying to say the least. The last one I had was Friday past at 3:30 am and .. well actually there were either a few or just a long one that seemed to 'relax' at times.. it lasted til 4:30 am. I've nearly called 911 on several occasions but I know what they are.. though can't help feeling like I'm going to die..

    I hope things work out!! There's nothing worse than feeling a bloody captive of your own body =/
  2. Raesvelg -
    Raesvelg's Avatar
    Yep, my problem largely revolves around panic attacks and general extreme levels of anxiety. I was good for years, but since I started student teaching, it was an escalating issue that culminated in Thursday's episode.

    For the record, if you ever have to go to the hospital for panic attacks, if they ask you if you've had thoughts of self-harm, just say no. I forgot to lie, and I rapidly wound up getting stripped nekkid and wanded by a security guard before they let me talk to a counselor.
  3. Morcheeba -
    Morcheeba's Avatar
    That really sucks =( I can't be alone when I'm having any attack out of fear. I've never actually had any thoughts of harming myself though. I'm on Zyban currently to assist in quitting smoking... again, and that just adds to the anxiety. It could also cause dark thoughts, but I still haven't had anything like that happen.

    I did have my other half call telehealth while I was having the last one, he even suggested perhaps I go to the hospital for the night. But there's that part of me that reminds me it'll pass, it just doesn't feel that way when you're right in the middle of an episode. There's nothing like it. And it's the physical symptoms that seem to cause reoccurring attacks. Just as I'm starting to calm myself, focusing on my breathing and such.. if I get another 'rush' or 'skipped' heartbeat it'll throw me right back into one.

    I've spoken to my doctor about them.. but she's never suggested any medication for it. But you said you have a disorder.. so it must have been quite frequent with you at some point and time.

    I hope you find a way to manage it again. It would really suck if it effected your work to the point you had to take another avenue.
  4. Raesvelg -
    Raesvelg's Avatar
    For me it started up about 20 years ago. My first time around in college it rapidly transitioned from being annoying to crippling, to the point where even contemplating certain actions would dump me into a full-blown panic attack.

    Which is about the time that I started wondering how much more relaxing it might be to be dead.

    My family wouldn't approve though, for some reason.

    So either way, years of therapy and medication later, I was feeling pretty stable and finally went off the drugs for good. I survived the disastrous events of 2009 without them, and at that point I was pretty much convinced that if I could handle that, I'd never need to go back on them again.

    Apparently a room full of Kindergarteners who don't speak English coupled with a mentor teacher who apparently thought that me saying "I have no idea what I'm doing, I've never really trained to teach in this situation, and I could use your help" was just me being a whiner and that I should figure it out for myself, combined to form a sufficiently potent mixture of sustained anxiety and stress that prior to my little episode on Thursday, I hadn't actually eaten breakfast in almost two weeks for fear of throwing it back up again. Usually I can mitigate somewhat with some isolation and breathing techniques, but it's hard to find isolation in that setting, and breathing techniques are difficult to manage when you're still coughing up a lung because you've been sick for three weeks.

    On the up side, I lost a little weight.

    And yeah, that's part of where the self-harm issue comes in. Five years plus I've invested in this, and if I can't finish up... I honestly don't know what I'll do. The weird thing is that I actually feel pretty comfortable in the support role in the classroom, though I tend to be run pretty ragged by the kids I was teaching. Exhausted, but if I didn't have the added stress of being observed, or having to actually plan lessons myself with minimal input from the people who are supposed to be helping me, I might even be having fun working with the kids.

    My original plan, in fact, had been to get my associate's degree, and work as a paraeducator for a year or so before I pushed on to complete my Bachelor's. Unfortunately, the timing worked out that I was trying to get a job as a para right when the serious budget crunches were hitting.
  5. Morcheeba -
    Morcheeba's Avatar
    I know what people think about trying stuff that's found on the internet, but because mine have started up again and I'm not prescribed drugs, nor want any I started an anti-anxiety program of sorts.

    http://nealedmar.hubpages.com/hub/-8...l-with-anxiety

    There are a retarded number of methods and sites on line which I'm sure you know already. But aside from medicating and struggling through it, I feel it's important to learn how to cope with it. I SUCK at coping, I lack coping skills for so many things, and a lot of my anxiety these days seem to revolve around mortality, likely onset by becoming a mom... but already being high anxiety. Hence why the attempt to quit smoking. However I've got such a screwed up brain I've thrown myself into panic attacks while on the highway because I'd get some pressure in my temple or elsewhere in my head and think that there could be a dormant aneurism that was waiting to burst and kill me... not great thoughts and certainly not when you're already prone to bad physical reactions...

    So I have to re-wire my head.. I had to change the way I think, try to crush those types of thoughts from my head, obviously easier said than done when I've been doing this to myself for years. But to say to myself 'I can only change the things I can control'. And when I do have negative thoughts I give my head a shake and tell myself how ridiculous I am =p

    Not sure if any of that would help. Just one anxious person to the next. I really really do hope you manage this sooner than later and it doesn't play a huge part in your career path.

    Maybe take up yoga or meditation.
  6. Morcheeba -
    Morcheeba's Avatar
    I know what people think about trying stuff that's found on the internet, but because mine have started up again and I'm not prescribed drugs, nor want any I started an anti-anxiety program of sorts.

    http://nealedmar.hubpages.com/hub/-8...l-with-anxiety

    There are a retarded number of methods and sites on line which I'm sure you know already. But aside from medicating and struggling through it, I feel it's important to learn how to cope with it. I SUCK at coping, I lack coping skills for so many things, and a lot of my anxiety these days seem to revolve around mortality, likely onset by becoming a mom... but already being high anxiety. Hence why the attempt to quit smoking. However I've got such a screwed up brain I've thrown myself into panic attacks while on the highway because I'd get some pressure in my temple or elsewhere in my head and think that there could be a dormant aneurism that was waiting to burst and kill me... not great thoughts and certainly not when you're already prone to bad physical reactions...

    So I have to re-wire my head.. I had to change the way I think, try to crush those types of thoughts from my head, obviously easier said than done when I've been doing this to myself for years. But to say to myself 'I can only change the things I can control'. And when I do have negative thoughts I give my head a shake and tell myself how ridiculous I am =p

    Not sure if any of that would help. Just one anxious person to the next. I really really do hope you manage this sooner than later and it doesn't play a huge part in your career path.

    Maybe take up yoga or meditation.
  7. Raesvelg -
    Raesvelg's Avatar
    My control is actually usually pretty good.

    Realize that, say, 15 years ago, I couldn't go to a crowded restaurant without becoming skirting the ragged edge of a panic attack. Or the mall. Or pretty much anywhere that people gather in large numbers.

    Barring the occasional gathering of geeks like me, which was always comparatively non-threatening.

    More importantly, realize that five years before that, I didn't have any real problems of that nature. Sure, I was a little shy, but I didn't freak out when surrounded by people I didn't know, I wasn't constantly concerned about watching eyes, or any of that crap.

    Most of those things are non-issues to me these days. Hell, my response to this whole crisis is absolutely astonishing to me, when I think back to how I used to be. I mean, I drove myself to a hospital, parked in the wrong lot but approached a hospital employee to make sure it was okay, checked myself in, permitted myself to be strip-searched, submitted to an impromptu counseling session with a woman I'd never met before in my life, and did it all without freaking out even once.

    Frankly, I was shocked when it was all over.

    The problem in this instance was sustained anxiety. Ordinarily, a situation that causes anxiety is over in a space of time measured, at most, in minutes or hours. In this case, we're talking about 8-9 hours, which is lengthy, but something I've done before... except for the part where it starts all over again the next day. And the day after that, and the day after that.

    The fact that it happened on a Thursday is significant; it wouldn't happen on a Monday, or a Tuesday. I've had enough time to bleed off some of the tension by then.

    If it were simply me, thrown into the classroom with a canned curriculum and no supervision, I expect I'd actually do better. But that's not how it works; in student teaching, you're observed literally every second in the classroom. And that, I don't handle well. At all.

    And there's literally no way to accustom myself to it, which is... vexing. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the more typical therapies applied to anxiety disorders (though I generally think the theory is poorly applied in this instance), but it doesn't apply at all here.

    There is no controlled, measured exposure to the situation that I can be subjected to in order to desensitize me to it. You can't role-play this. It's not like working on a more conventional phobia, where all they have to do is lock me in a room full of tarantulas for an hour to cure my arachnophobia.

    It won't appear unless the observation matters.

    I can plead for additional time, maybe request a longer block in which to compose myself than I might otherwise be afforded, but in the end, during my solo week, I'm going to be acting without substantial support. So, unless they're willing to be more accommodating than I have any reason to expect, my solo week would invariably see me self-destruct.

    I made the decision to alert my mentor/supervisor to the situation now, not because I figured I wouldn't be able to handle things for the immediate future, but out of the near-certainty that I would not be able to handle things further down the road.

    I'm actually rather okay with it, now that I've had time to think about it and clear my head of the usual emotional nonsense. In the grand scheme of things, it was one of my better decisions I've made when something impacts on my illness. Historically, I'd have kept beating my head against the wall, metaphorically speaking, until I fucked things up well and truly. Learning to stop, step back, and ask for help if I need it, was one of the more difficult things for me.

    I'm a little disappointed in myself, of course, and I'm concerned about how this will impact my student teaching experience moving forward, but I'm also well aware that this was just one more of my many efforts to make the horse sing.

    I don't need a future for myself. I don't even like myself in particular, though I have an objective understanding of why people might like me. To the extent that they do. I stick around mostly to see what happens next. Which is probably why I'm also incredibly boring, along with blandly likeable. People, including professionals, have occasionally diagnosed that as depression, or nihilism, but that's not really it. I had... maybe two aspirations for my life, and while one of them is increasingly unlikely, "making just enough money that I'm reasonably comfortable" is probably still attainable. I don't need things, the way so many people seem to.

    I know people who buy tons of toys they can't afford because it satisfies some inner need that they have. I know people who work like dogs to be able to afford those toys, and while I applaud their industriousness, they're making themselves miserable for 75% of their waking hours just to have things.

    Don't get me wrong, I like having things. I enjoy the responsiveness of a new computer, or a decent car, or a new appliance. But I don't need them, and I never have. I don't set my sense of personal worth in relation to the car that I drive, or the possessions I can show off.

    So I've never really worried too much about making money. What worries me about teaching, however, is that it will turn out to be something that I can't do for very long before it burns me out; I can sustain a certain level of effort for a specific amount of time, and past that... well, we get what we had on Thursday.

    The longer I keep at this, the more I wish I were a better writer. Now that would be an ideal job for me. Hell, it's the one that I really wanted, but it's also the one that I realized was incredibly difficult to break into. So, teaching.

    Eh. It'll work out, one way or another.
  8. Morcheeba -
    Morcheeba's Avatar
    Really sorry that this is my response atm but I'm currently having slight issues. Mind you it's all Zyban triggered. Trying to do right by myself and my family and finally give up smoking for good, and I've taken Zyban several times over the years to assist without much side effects at all. This time around... not so much.

    It's fucking scary.. vulgar I know.. but keep occupied is helping somewhat... perhaps I shouldn't actually take about the specific physical effects I feel, I really don't know. I know when I go for my annual physicals my dr always tells me I have low blood pressure which is better than high, but when this shit kicks in for the worse it feels like my heart slows to relative none activity... sometimes hard to feel a pulse at all. And I KNOW that just adds negative mental stimulation, power of suggestion, but how do you fight it when you're in the middle of it. AAHHHHH phheewww it's like.. just breeeeatth. Why does my chest feel heavy, why does it feel so difficult to breath.. well my heart and lungs work in conjunction, duh.. I know this so wtf is wrong with me lol

    No more drugs for me... cold turkey.. I am no longer physically fit to handle this drug. Too bad soo sad, it's no good for me anyways.. obviously.
  9. Raesvelg -
    Raesvelg's Avatar
    Don't apologize, I'm always interested in helping other people to the extent that I can. Distracts me from my own crap, lol.

    When you start talking about psychoactive drugs, consistency goes out the window, unfortunately. It's what they refer to in the literature as "paradoxical effects", and while they're usually talking about things like the occasional suicide actually caused by anti-depressants, the concept applies to functionally any effect that the drug causes that is outside what is expected given what they know about brain chemistry.

    Which isn't nearly as much as they sometimes like to think they know, sadly. Or at least, that they present themselves as knowing.

    I mean, for me, Zoloft did nothing. Absolutely nothing. And yet it's in the same family of drugs as Paxil, which did at least help me some. I've never experienced paradoxical effects, but I'm always on the lookout for stuff like that.

    For example, Zyban is supposed to carry a risk of hypertension, while you appear to be experiencing the opposite. And heightened anxiety, which I think we can say you're experiencing, is a side effect that occasionally crops up among most anti-depressants.

    If it's not working, or if it's causing you problems, talk to your doctor.

    I've actually been considering adding it to my drug cocktail since it has a tendency to counteract some of the things that I don't like about SSRIs.
    Updated September 22nd, 2012 at 10:04 AM by Raesvelg
  10. Morcheeba -
    Morcheeba's Avatar
    Yeah I'm cutting it out altogether. My doctor is great though, when I got this prescription it was because I didn't want to try something new like Champix (sp) as I wasn't sure how it would effect me, but I had experience with Zyban a few times. Obviously something has changed, I've always had high anxiety.. but the panic attacks have only recently started to return, so my doctor said straight up, 'you know Crystal, this could make the attacks much worse, if they do get worse just stop taking the Zyban'. So I was aware, and although she had also insisted (every time it was prescribed) to keep from increasing the dosage to 2 pills a day because of my body mass.. I had even started taking them once every other day to try and manage. Didn't work, although that could also be because it's time released and my body didn't actually get the chance to adapt but actually felt the initial effects over and over. No idea and I can't pretend I know =/

    Long and short.. I have to find another method to quit smoking these horrible things. And although I'm sure I could go cold turkey, what frightens me if when I had tried that last week after about 4-5 hours without a cigarette and experiencing a major nic fit it actually nearly threw me right into another attack.. and I'm just so god damn afraid of them I can't do that to myself =(

    I don't take 'drugs', I rarely do. I take acidophilus which is a natural bacterial culture.. no big deal. Nothing else.. rarely take antibiotics, only if I have a crazy bad infection that will get worse if untreated.

    I even stopped smoking the hippie leaves about a month or so ago.. I found it was actually starting to add to the attacks rather than calm me. Everyone is different you know. No issue there as I wasn't addicted... just liked the occasional pull.

    I really need to get this anxiety stuff in order though.. I'm terrified it won't stop. And that I will eventually end up having a bloody heartattack just out of stress and fear! So much of it has to do with my head.. I hate being in my head.. it doesn't shut up.. stress about this and that... argue, debate.. stress stress. If I can't control a situation, if I don't know what to expect.. if plans change... anxiety crazy anxiety.

    I'm about to start focusing on a new career path however. I'll be going for my provincial license for Finance Advising after school, nothing extravagant, under a corporate umbrella so.. but I hope that will give me something to focus on. It could back fire.. fuck who knows, now I'm getting stressed just thinking about it lol uhhh
  11. Raesvelg -
    Raesvelg's Avatar
    Well, there are a lot of prescription meds available for anxiety. In the short term (ie, quitting smoking), one of the benzodiazepines (Xanax, Lorazepam, etc) would probably be a good choice if you think you need some help. SSRIs (Paxil, Lexapro, etc) can decrease the incidence of extreme anxiety as well, and help with general mood leveling if that's an issue.

    Personally, the benzos are pretty solid meds, typically, though they're only recommended for short-term usage as they're ferociously addictive on the physical level. So not more than a couple weeks of sustained usage, as a general rule, and all sorts of attendant side effects (drowsiness, etc) and risks (aforementioned paradoxical effects).

    Honestly, I wound up reading rather a lot about medications over the years, due mostly to the fact that I was on them.

    I don't especially like being on them, and I doubt I'll continue with them for any longer than is absolutely necessary, but for now... they're probably a good thing for me.

    For example, Klonopin (one of the benzos) helped me get a handle on the panic attacks a long time ago when they were literally dominating my life. The withdrawal was hell, mind you, but I needed that break where I didn't have to worry about whether I was going to start freaking out over something trivial, or just spontaneously out of nowhere. Of course, back when I was on Klonopin, they were less aware of/worried about the risks of putting people on them long-term, so I wound up on a pretty serious dose for several years, lol. Took like 6 months to scale back steadily until I was off of them at last and I no longer had to have my psychiatrist warning me that I could go into convulsions and die if I stopped, lol.
  12. jyakotsu -
    jyakotsu's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Raesvelg
    Yep, my problem largely revolves around panic attacks and general extreme levels of anxiety. I was good for years, but since I started student teaching, it was an escalating issue that culminated in Thursday's episode.

    For the record, if you ever have to go to the hospital for panic attacks, if they ask you if you've had thoughts of self-harm, just say no. I forgot to lie, and I rapidly wound up getting stripped nekkid and wanded by a security guard before they let me talk to a counselor.
    What age are you student teaching at? What economical background are most of the parents in the area you are teaching at? Out of curiosity...

    I teach in Los Angeles, in a lower economic area... I can most def be challenging.
  13. Raesvelg -
    Raesvelg's Avatar
    It was a pure English Language Learners class in a 100% free lunch (and breakfast) school.

    The majority of the kids were actually there to learn, but the language barrier made things incredibly difficult. Of the 16 kids in the Kindergarten program who were 0/0 (0 letter recognition, 0 initial sound recognition), 14 of them were in my class.

    As it is, I'm getting to try a variety of meds now, looking for one that actually controls my mood swings. No more SSRIs this time around, we've moved on to new and interesting territory.
  14. Morcheeba -
    Morcheeba's Avatar
    There's no naturopathic supplements you could take eh?

    I stopped taking the Zyban, (haven't had an attack in maybe 2 weeks now *touch wood*) but I'm also still smoking... ./le sigh

    Speaking of nasty drugs though, I gotten a really bad infection in my finger that resulted in it swelling to the point you could not see a knuckle/wrinkle, just a sausage, the antibiotics given me killed my stomach and intestines. Then I got an infection (we think an ingrown hair) on my knee that got so bad my doctor was very concerned I was going to develop Sepsis. Needless to say THAT scared the crap out of me, this maybe 2 weeks after my finger, aaaaand back on the same antibiotic but a higher dose... my stomach is still reeling from that. My knee is STILL healing and somewhat swollen/bruised, then a few nights ago I felt this pain in a tooth, I got an infection in my jaw/gums.... aha!!


    All this kind of shit seriously makes me wonder. Is it all connected? Obviously I'm very susceptible to infections, and the more I have to rely on bloody drugs the worse my immune system gets.

    I see myself dying from some retarded and otherwise non-threatening infection because of all the antibiotics I've had to take since I was.. idk 12.
  15. Morcheeba -
    Morcheeba's Avatar
    Oh now I have a head/chest cold too. I'm telling you dude.. I know what it's like to want a permanent vacation from your own body/mind.

    Why are we so broken?!? lol
    Updated October 8th, 2012 at 12:38 PM by Morcheeba
  16. Raesvelg -
    Raesvelg's Avatar
    I've never had any luck with "natural" supplements, though the truth of the matter is that most of the time, when a particular herb or plant offers genuine abatement of a given set of symptoms, the chemical compound involved has already been identified, classified, and marketed lol.

    I'm somewhere between type 1 and type 2 bipolar disorder though, and while I generally put up with the mood swings that persist even when I'm on most anti-depressants (SSRIs help a little, but not much, for me at least), this time around the stakes are a bit higher so I decided screw it, we'll see if we can find a drug that actually works to control the problem more thoroughly.

    What they put me on is apparently actually an anti-convulsant, lol, but one that has a fair degree of success in controlling the mood swings of bipolar disorder. Though there is that slight risk that it will make my fucking skin fall off.

    Seriously. Skin fall off. We're starting the dosage low, and bringing it up in order to minimize the risks, but still; every time my skin itches for the past week I get a little tense lol.

    As for my cold, I think I'm just about over it finally. The major symptoms were gone before too long, it's just the cough that stuck around with me.

    I'm really glad that I generally get by without antibiotics, particularly for things like cuts and scrapes. Probably because I'm constantly cutting/scraping myself.

    Somehow I managed to cut my nose on a cardboard box the other day. Still not sure exactly how that happened, lol.

    I'd probably accept a higher incidence of infections if I wasn't constantly on the verge of freaking out though. The weird thing, for me, is when people are shocked to discover that I have all these mental conditions. My aunt & uncle passed through the other night on their way from Florida to Boston (apparently they don't believe in planes), and we talked a bit about crazy family members, myself included, and they were all like "But Chris, you're always so mellow!"

    No shit, and it takes an incredible amount of effort to maintain that under the best of times, thanks.

    Then they drank all my wine and ate all my scones and left.
  17. Morcheeba -
    Morcheeba's Avatar
    You know... if I was a mild home drinker.. I bet you I'd be a much happier person LOL Not that alcohol is the answer. But I know 1-2 glasses of wine makes me a very happy girl =D

    Speaking of talking about crazy family, we've been doing that recently too. Mainly because my little cousin has now shocked us all with the decision of leaving her little girl, 2 years old, back in New Mexico with her daddy and moved here to Toronto. She's put up some VERY detailed 'notes' on FB, which in my opinion whether you're feeling you're being judged or not should not be made public. My family is very good about not judging each other. We're all equally fucked up. But this after the initial shock of my brother up and leaving his 1 year old son (who will be 6 Nov 4). For us it's a shock because we're all so very close knit and can not imagine leaving our children regardless of the circumstances. Even so, we'd step in and offer whatever help we could to ensure the family stayed together.

    Anyway. Between discussions with my father, that doesn't happen often, talks with my other cousins/aunt and mother, we all agreed there isn't 1 of us that has not been through some extreme trauma. And I do mean extreme. We are all damaged in one way or another but most of us have 'come to terms' or at least figured out how to lead relatively normal lives in spite of it.

    I know I need to seek some sort of professional help. Though one of my cousins suggested I start with reading some spiritual help books first because of how in tune I am with my own issues. Perhaps she's right, I may not actually need a professional if I learn some tools myself. That's all I really need are the 'tools'. I've identified the specific issues and where they stemmed from over the years.

    I know when I told my other cousin, the younger sister of who suggested the books, she was shocked to learn some of the things I've been through. But I'm kinda like 'meh', I'm obviously "okay" with what's happened... but it has had an affect on how I cope with stress, and how I'm such an reactionary person. It sucks when you know your weaknesses and faults but seem somewhat helpless do make any changes.

    But yeah, I don't run to the doctor for pills... in fact when my knee got infected at first I thought maybe I just irritated a tendon or something kneeling on the hard wood floors so I stayed home and iced it. It wasn't until a couple days later when instead of getting better it got much worse at an alarming rate, I went into see m doctor. She was visibly pissed. Said that she disliked that I 'waited so long' but I feel like I'm always bloody sick, I hate pills... though it's always one thing or another.

    I even had the paramedics here because the 'redness' had started 'spreading' and I didn't actually know what to look for as far as blood poisoning. My doctor just said if the redness starts going up my leg not to fuck around and go straight to the ER. But I felt fine otherwise. Luckily when the paramedics came they described in detail what to look for, I had used a marker and outlined where the red had been and it had spread nearly 2 inches above but in a blotchy pattern rather than 'spider veins'. That was really scary shit lol Needless to say I won't be screwing around with that sort of stuff again!

    But yeah, I kinda figure over all the years of having countless infections and having taken god knows how many different types of antibiotics my immune system is good and fucked!

    I'm soooooooo thankful I haven't had anymore panic attacks in a few weeks. I was terrified when they started up again. Anyone who has them knows how scary they are. But of course, the second I feel any tension in my chest, head, lungs or anywhere, right away my mind starts going which in itself can cause an attack. What vicious circle.

    Need to learn who to rewire my brain.
  18. Raesvelg -
    Raesvelg's Avatar
    Rewiring the brain is... kinda impossible, lol.

    The best you can hope for in my experience is to set up an additional layer of operation that hopefully doesn't interfere too badly with the existing programming, so to speak. You can blunt problems pretty effectively, but they never really go away entirely.