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Get over it...

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Consider this a sequel to Nobody likes to be the bad guy..., since it ties into the same concepts.

Ever had anyone tell you that by the way? "Get over it"? Also seen in variations such as "I wish you could just get past this", or "Why can't you get over it?", or something similar.

Now, there are two major instances of this concept coming into play. On the one hand, it can be an attempt by someone who genuinely cares about your welfare to convince you, however erroneously, to let the past go, and not dwell on it. Most of the time, this is well-intentioned, though it can often be founded in ignorance as much as empathy, but you can let it slide either way.

The other instance, however, is when the person who fucked you over in the first place tells you to get over it.

And when they say it, it has nothing to do with concern for your well-being, but rather with concern for theirs.

See, what they're looking for isn't for you to feel better about a given situation, or accept a particular event, or anything that directly involves you. What they're looking for is a sort of ex post facto absolution, an out where they no longer have to feel bad, subconsciously though it may be, for being the bad guy.

Because, once again, nobody likes to be the bad guy.

And again, it's a form of blame-shifting. Particularly when the injury in question was caused deliberately, but even if it was accidental or unavoidable and you genuinely feel bad about it.

Take Dick Cheney, for example. Now, if you've recently shot your friend in the face, and all of a sudden he doesn't want to have anything to do with bird hunting, or shotguns, or you, do you really think it would be an appropriate response to tell this friend to "get over it"?

Fuck no.

Here's the thing: Accepting the bad things we do to other people is part of being an adult.

And I do mean accepting them.

To elaborate: I mean that if you screwed someone over, and you have a genuine desire to patch things up, and you fall to your knees and beg for forgiveness, you have to accept that the person you wronged does not have to forgive you.

You, after all, were the bad guy. You might not like it, but you did it. They are not the bad guy for refusing to forgive, or forget, or for holding a huge grudge against you for the rest of your fucking life, because they were the ones who got screwed.
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